it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
