I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
