i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
