I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
