Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
