It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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