I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
