I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
