A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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