yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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