I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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