so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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