I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
