the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
