We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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