She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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