Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
