I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
