Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
