TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
