oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
