The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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