foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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