I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
