please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize