I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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