On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I intend to get homeless drunk
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
organizing the empties. That sober.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
