You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
