I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
