I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
