Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
