I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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