Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
