So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
