I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's never too late to be topless.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
