Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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