Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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