I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
