I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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