David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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