i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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