Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
