i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
