I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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