do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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