your room smells of hookers.
And success
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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