Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
