You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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