i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
