its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
