1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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