My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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